A Weird Trip
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: It's kind of a sequel to Why People Don't Run With Scissors. Not really. When Ash has to go see his dad..... it ends up into a weird trip in Viridian, getting hurt by Team Rocket, and blood filled. But, awesomely hilarious !


A Weird Day

It had been about a couple of weeks since Ash made a booboo by hurting his aunt and Gary Oak. Aunt Laris had cursed him out every day since then on the phone, and as far as Gary is concerned, he was glad he only had nine fingers now. xD

So it was one day when Ash's mom said that Ash had to go meet up with his dad. And Ash had some difficulties...

"_ I DON'T WANNA GO ! I'M PRETTY SURE THAT DAD IS ON SOME DRUG !_ " Ash wailed, grabbing his mother's ankles and crying as loud as he could.

Delia rolled her eyes and wiggled her way out of Ash's clutches. " Sorry, honey. You are going. Gary can go, too. All I know is that you need to get your butt to Viridian City ! " she replied.

" I'll pay you money ! I'll stop eating your fudge ! I'll quit peeing my bed ! I'll even visit my cousin Shin Nohara every year , even though he's a stupid retard that watches Action Bastard all day ! (A/N : Yeah. I know they aren't related. Just go with it.) JUST DON'T MAKE ME _GOOOOO !!_ "

" No , Red ! You are going ! "

Delia pushed her son out the door and Ash scowled. He started to take out a knife and throw it at someone, but his mother snatched the weapon out of his hands. " And no throwing pointy objects ! " Delia added.

* * *

" This sucks. I don't even have any idea what Dad looks like ! " Ash muttered.

" So ? You can still prank a bunch of other people ! " Gary said, hugging Ash.

Ash and Gary were on their way to Viridian City (no pun/song intended) . The nine year old boys were just chilling and standing outside of a shabby building. They both had a roll of toilet paper in their hands. " Cool ! Let's vandalize this building first ! " Ash cried.

The boys started to teepee the crappy building. A man of thirty - nine came out. He had brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was wearing an orange three piece suit. And he was looking pretty pissed off by now. " Can I help you two ? " the man asked, impatiently tapping his foot.

" Uh... it's not what it looks like. We have that one retarded syndrome ! " Ash said, pointing to Gary, who someone managed to look cross - eyed. " We come from the town that Bugs Bunny is known in with all of his fans ! "

Gary banged his head. " You're an idiot. "

Ash nodded. " _Okay... RUN LIKE HELL NOW !_ "

The two kids quickly fled from the building. Little did they know it was the building of Team Rocket, and little did they know that neither one of them had no idea where they were going.

" Nice one, Ketchum ! Now we're screwed ! " Gary shouted. " We're outlaws by now ! "

" I really don't care, " Ash replied, yawning. " As long as I don't have to see Dad, it's fine with me... hey ! What are those black suited guys doing ? "

Two men with black clothes with a red R immediately looked at Ash and Gary. The first grunt sneered. The second grunt rolled his eyes. Ash hugged the first men. " I know who you two are ! You sell Girl Scout cookies ! " Ash said. (A/N : This is an Ash moment.)

The men fell over, anime - style. The first man, who had a short temper, grabbed Ash and threw him ten feet into a concrete sidewalk. " No, you dummy ! We're Team Rocket ! " the man yelled at Ash.

Gary turned pale. O.o " Holy crap ! That is ten times worse than losing a finger !" he murmured.

The second man smacked Ash in the head. " Yeah. And make sure to stay away, little boy. Or we'll hurt you worse. "

Just like that, the grunts disappeared. Ash stood up, immediately revealing a lot of red blood on his head. " Cool, " he said.

* * *

Delia quickly pressed the buttons on the phone. " Come on, you freaking douchebag. Answer the freaking phone, already ! Don't let me down, now ! " she muttered, looking like she wanted to kill the phone by drowning it.

A tenor evil voice answered it. " Hello ? Uh, can you quit calling me , Time Magazine ? I'm tired of the subscription, already ! "

_Click._

O.O " He hung up on me ! " Delia cried. " That son of a _bitch _! "

The angry mother quickly redialed the number. And the same person answered it. " Uh, hello ? I thought I just told you hippies to quit calling me ! " he said.

" Uh, hi. This is from the agency. We're here to say that you are pregnant ! " Delia said, holding back a chuckle.

" What the ----?! "

" Oh, sorry. Wrong message. Did you forget to do anything today ? "

" Let me check... nope. "

" Okay then... I'm going to see where Ash went then. You're a sucky father, too. I just hope he isn't getting in any trouble. Oh - and if something happens to him, I'm counting you responsible, Giovanni. No hard feelings. I just ----ing hate you. Bye bye ! "

_Click_... _**SMASH !!!**_

Delia gave a grimace as she put on her long gray coat. " I'm going to see where Ash went... then I'm telling Ash's dad off again ! " she declared, zooming out the door.

* * *

" Are you sure you're okay, Ketchum ? You look like you have a concussion. Or you're high, " Gary said.

" _I LIKE KETCHUP_ ! " Ash proudly said, releasing more blood.

" Yeah... hey ! There's that guy that was chasing us earlier ! "

Ash looked and saw at a distance the guy. He gave a grin. " We should ask for directions ! " he said.

The two boys walked up to the man. He scowled. " You two again ? This really is my bad day... and what happened to you, kid ? "

Ash grinned. " Uh, some guys that sell cookies beat me up, and now we're going home ! "

Gary facefaulted. " Dude, it wasn't the Girl Scouts ! It was Team Rocket ! "

" Well, whatever, Oak ! We just have to get home ! "

" Uh, looks like you need to go to the emergency room, little boy , " Giovanni commented, scratching his head.

" What's an emergency room ? " Ash asked.

Gary fell over, anime - style. " **_YOU ARE AN IDIOT ! WHAT DOES YOUR MOM TEACH YOU ?! "_**

" Eh, I really don't listen to her. ADD. "

O.o " Okay , then... weird. "

" All right. Persian - come on out and check this kid for brain damage ! " the man said, taking out a pokeball.

Persian came out and glared at Ash. The nine year old gave a wide grin. " You look like... no , wait. FLUFFY !!!! " Ash exclaimed, hugging the very confused pokemon.

" Fluffy ? " Gary asked, even more confused.

" Yeah, Fluffy ! Do you have a problem with it ? I'll kick some butt right now ! "

" Fine ! Bring it, Ketchum ! I'm not scared of you ! " Gary said.

Ash let go of Persian. He grabbed a nearby stick and poked Gary. " Okay ! It's on ! "

All the while Giovanni looked at the two kids with a pale white face. He scratched his head as Ash fell to the floor, unconscious. " Son of a bitch, " he muttered. " I am _so_ going to pay for this... "

* * *

Delia was quickly running the streets of Viridian City. She was calling out still since about twenty minutes ago. " Ash ! Where are you ! Please don't tell me you're in Juvie ! I couldn't bear to only bring you tuna casserole once a week ! "

Suddenly, a cellphone started to ring. Delia grabbed a black cellphone from one of her coat pockets and answered it. " Hello ? "

" Uh, please let this be the right number. It's the fourth number I've called today, and all these weird people keep trying to say I'm some sort of political stalker. "

" Hi. I'm pretty sure you have the right number, unless you're trying to get pregnant , Giovanni. "

" No... "

" Okay. Is Ash with you ? "

" Who the hell are you... oh. Yeah. He's here. "

" Good. I've been searching for him for the past twenty minutes. Is he okay ? "

There was a sharp sigh on the other end. " Yeah, I guess so. Uh, don't worry about it though, Delia. I can handle it. "

" Uh - huh. "

Suddenly, there was a muffled voice on the other end. " Mr. Ketchum ! We need more towels ! Ash is spilling more blood, and he's starting to talk about Mario ! "

" Quit it, Mr. Oak ! I'm on the phone with his mom ! "

Delia sweatdropped and almost dropped the phone. " Blood ? Where are you guys at ? "

" Uh... Chicago ! "

" Yeah... I'm hanging up now. Make sure that Ash changes his underwear. Bye, you weirdo. "

Delia hung up the phone and sighed. She started walking until she heard a moaning sound from the alley. She quickly ran to it and saw Ash all bloodied up. Delia gave a scream. " _**WHAT THE ---- HAPPENED TO YOU , RED ?! "**_

" Hi, Mom. That guy and Gary went to get some supplies. Meanwhile, I'm in the alley acting like a drunk because I just got up and got a combushen. "

" It's concussion, honey. And you need to get to the hospital, " Delia said, shaking her head out of frustration.

" Nope. Dad says that if he gets me to the hospital, there's a chance Social Services will be on the both of you, so he's going to try to deal with the problem himself. "

Delia winced. " I'm not sure that's the best idea, Ash... "

* * *

(Flashback : Seven years ago... )

" Um, Giovanni ? Do you mind watching Ash for a few minutes ? I forgot to pick up something, " Delia said.

" Sure. No problem. "

" Okay. "

Delia left the house, and her husband was left with the drooling two year old. Giovanni looked at Ash. " Uh, what do I do ? "

As if on cue, Ash started to cry. The man scratched his head nervously. " I should be able to handle the problem by myself. It's just a baby. Now... where is that manual ? "

Giovanni quickly grabbed the manual, and Ash quickly grabbed a gun. The expression on Giovanni's face - O.O. " No, Ash ! That's mine ! "

Ash squealed and shot a vase to the ground. Giovanni smiled. " Ooh. He may be a hellraiser, but he does have good aim. "

The next bullet sended Giovanni to the ground. He clutched at his happy place. " Then again, maybe not a very good idea to have that. "

" Yay ! "

* * *

" I don't remember that, Mom. Must have been young, " Ash admitted.

" Yeah. I'm pretty sure you can't remember a lot of crap with all that blood pouring out. Here - let me get a towel from my purse... there we go. " Delia wrapped the towel tightly around Ash's head. " You may look a bit different, but it should stop after a couple of hours. Now - where's Gary ? "

" I told you already ! He left to get supplies ! Or Pallet. I'm not sure. "

" All right. Now let me get this straight. What happened to you ? "

" Oh ! That is so easy ! These guys from Team Rocket beat me up ! "

Delia pinched her temple and gave a frustrated sigh. " Well, that sucks. How could they do this to a nine year old ? "

" I dunno. "

" Of course you don't know, Ash ! It's a rhetorical question ! " Delia hissed.

" Whoa. Major anger issues. "

" I'm sorry, honey. I'm kind of mad at your father for not taking you to the hospital. Douchebag. "

Ash looked up and saw the sky. Delia scratched her head and pulled out a granola bar. She handed it to Ash. " Here you go. You may be here for awhile. I have to do something really quick. "

" Okay, Mom. "

Delia gave a small smile. She quickly started to run , with her purse in her harsh grasp.

* * *

" So... how are you going to tell Ash's mom, Mr. Ketchum ? " Gary asked for the sixth time.

" I don't know, little boy ! So quit asking me that already ! " Giovanni growled.

" Have you ever heard of anger management ? You could sure use it ! "

" Why am I talking to a nine year old ! And you're not even related to me ! "

" Listen to the song, Jack and Diane ! " Gary replied. " I'm sure it has all the answers for you ! "

" Whatever. You're just as bad with your potty mouth as Ash is ! "

" Yeah, I am... O.o WATCH OUT ! "

Giovanni turned around and...

_BAG ! BAG ! BAG ! BAG ! BAG !_

_**" TRY TO LIE AND SAY MY SON IS FINE , WHY DON'T YOU ?! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO LIE TO ME ! AND WHY DID YOU LET ASH ALL ALONE IN AN ALLEY , YOU ----ING RETARD ! "**_ Delia shouted, consistently bagging her ex - husband with her purse.

Gary slowly looked at the mauling. " Whoa. Anger issues, " he said, slowly stepping away.

" Can -_ BAG !_ - you - _BAG !_ - let me - _BAG !_ - explain ? I kind of forgot ! Now quit trying to kill me alre - _BAG _! Qui - _**BAG ! BAG ! BAG ! "**_

" Nope. Screw therapy. I've been wanting to do this for the past few years. It really satisfies me, " Delia happily replied. " So... I'm going to stop now. That felt good ! "

Giovanni stood up in a daze and quietly fell over. " Ow. That hurt. And thanks for quitting before I ended up in a full body cast. "

" Uh - huh. Can you see straight ? "

" Yeah... I think so. "

Giovanni got up again and managed to stay up this time. Delia gave a small laugh. " Wow. That was so funny, " she said.

The man gave a small shrug as he inched closer to her. " I beg to differ, Delia. It really, really hurt. "

" And I really, really don't care. "

* * *

Epilogue :

" Hi, Ash. "

" Gary ? Do you have any idea where Mom is ? "

Gary scratched his head. " Yeah. She was bagging your dad. It was really funny. Very bad anger issues. "

Ash took out a pair of scissors and chopped off one of Gary's fingers. " I wish you would have told me. This sucks. "

" Yeah, and you suck, Ketchum. I hate you. "

Ash hugged Gary. " I hate you, too. Thanks, buddy ! "

Ash's parents soon arrived at the scene. Ash just grinned. " I like scissors ! "

" Right... " Delia trailed off.

" O.o Remind me never to keep pointy objects near you again, son, " Giovanni muttered, banging his head against a nearby brick wall.

END

* * *

_Whoa. Ash's parents have issues, man. No wonder I made them divorced. Weird. _


End file.
